And I don’t mean by a rosebush!
This post is all about me. I’m apologizing right now, because I should probably be talking about other things but I’m kind of transparent by nature so I can’t move on and get back to work here until I share this with you.
Last August I left my job as Bass River, Inc’s adaptive gardening specialist because I had a supervisor who just didn’t get gardening or my agreement with the agency about what my tasks were and how I would use my time based on the agreement.
And, he didn’t get me. At all.
So, very very sadly and abruptly, I had to go.
Then a few weeks later my mom died.
In September I found myself grieving… so much…
It was mostly for my mom, who at 82 had lived a very good life, but her illness and death happened quickly and unexpectedly. Loosing one’s mother at any age is one of the hardest things that we go through in this life.
But I was also grieving the loss of my job. I had loved it so much. I loved the men and women whom I served. I loved the ways that they responded to gardening and gardens and the work that we were able to do together. I loved that every day there was a moment when someone enjoyed a flower that they remembered from their past, or had a blast planting some seeds when they didn’t think they would. I loved all of it.
I couldn’t go back. The bridge was burnt and I was feeling too fragile to look much further. A few job prospects came and went, but nothing really stuck.
I spent the fall and winter taking care of my family and trying to get my head on straight.
I kept folding laundry and cooking and organizing things and Komari cleaning out the closets and the kitchen. I planned this year’s garden and started seeds.
Then one day a few weeks ago it was time to buy flowers for the front porch.
As I walked into the garden center I saw a friend working there who I had made when I took the individuals from Bass River shopping for plants. She immediately asked where they were and I told her my story. As I stood at the register paying for my purchase she was calling a regional manager to let him know that I was right there, and might be interested in working for his perennial supply company.
So, here I am with a new job. I’m working part time as a rep for a company that supplies perennials and tropical plants to a large chain store.
For the first few days I wasn’t at all sure that I’d last, but I think I might. The work is so physically hard. The more I push myself to do it, the more sure I am that it’s just what I need. I can feel some of the grief lifting. I can breathe and think more clearly. New thoughts are beginning to occupy the places where the what if’s and if only’s took over for so long.
I’m working with plants, thinking about plants and learning about plants, just what I like to do.
When things settle in and I can post more regularly I’m going to have a long list of new topics to blog about. The customer’s questions that I overhear and that are asked of me occasionally will make some great blog posts. Things like “what is the difference between a pansy and a petunia?” and “can you recommend a small bush that I don’t have to take care of and will grow in the shade, with rocks around it so I don’t have to cut any grass?”
It’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure!
Thanks for indulging me and letting me share with you.
It’s time to plant and learn and feel good again. I truly believe that those three things go hand in hand.